God, I need an ounce of soul. Just 1 lil ole ounce. Cuz otherwise, Zumba is gonna break me!
Zumba scares me. So, the way I figure it — that means…I’ve gotta keep doing it. LOL Crazy, I know. But my life story centers around a common theme. If we were writing a thesis paper here — our thesis would be – How Diane’s Life was formed by her avoidance of things that Scared her. Go! Write! Fill Blue Books!
So now that I am self-aware. Now that I am present and have open eyes — and can see how this pattern led me to where I ended up — don’t I owe it to myself to see where The Road Not Taken goes? Yes, Diane. You need to go and meet Robert Frost, out on that woodsy path, and see. Just see….what happens out there. On the one less traveled by.
So does that make Zumba the wilderness? LOL, no — not hardly. But, a year ago — I would never have had enough bravery to walk into what (for all intents and purposes) is a dance studio — and shake my booty.
This was a Zumba Toning Class. Which amounts to performing toning exercise moves, with hand weights….while doing the samba and cha-cha to salsa music. Aye Caramba! Feet, Legs, Hands, Shaker Weigts…all moving….at high speed….in the right direction….with Diane in the chorus line. Whew, when do they start serving the drinks. Cuz this one requires alcohol, no lie!
30 minutes into the hour-long session my thoughts were this: OMG, How embarrassing Diane. You are in the back row, but that totally flexible, gorgeously toned Zumba instructor can see you in her mirror. WHY, O’ Why is there a mirror! Ohh that’s right….dancers like to look at themselves. Probably why Diane never took dancing! (Yup, write that into the thesis, for sure. It’s a fact, no bibliography needed!) My eyes were glued on the instructor and a few women at the front of the class. I was doing my best (I REALLY WAS), to keep up. I went right, and left, and shook my money makers and then my shaker weights. I did ….Ok. It wasn’t horrible. It truly wasn’t. It was just that inside….ohhh, inside..I FELT horrible. Next to these women, I felt F.A.T. I felt S.L.O.W. I felt like a p.r.e.t.z.e.l., all tied up, twisted, and baked. 30 minutes into the session….I wanted to leave. Seriously, are we done yet??
Breathe Diane. You left your comfort zone back in East Brunswick……this is where you NEED to be. Breathe. and Relax.
So I kept going, I went deeper into my stance, I tightened my abs. I committed. Stop thinking about how you look versus how they look. Stop judging yourself, and just let yourself be present — in. the. moment. JUST. DO. IT.
By the time the hour ended….I was still feeling self conscious….but I had resolved to myself — that this is where I needed to be…every Thursday night at 630p. My friend Gerri asked how I was. I did my normal joke routine, and told her I needed soul. But overall, it was Ok. She told me, a couple of important things that meant alot. First, she said….”You will get better.” Humph! Gee, that’s right! I totally forgot! I let all my emotional STUFF get into my head, and I forgot that …..this was Day 1. And panic is t.h.e. most common reaction on Day 1 of , well..anything! I would get better. That’s right! Everybody…gets better. And I would too!
The other thing she said was…”she had been doing this for 2 years. ” Wow. 2 years. Holy Moly. Well, you know what? No wonder she was so terrific. She put in all of the work. Oh d@mn she did. 2 years worth of work! She deserved to be terrific!!
So….as I walked out the door, said my goodbyes, and smiled back at a group of really friendly, wonderful women….I asked myself one simple question. “Diane, in two years time….do you want to have a Zumba booty ..juuuust like those women have?”
I’m guessing I don’t have to tell you that the answer was HELL YES! So….sorry friends….Thursday nights, my two-left-feet and I — We’re B.U.S.Y!
Ciao for now….Diane
I felt the same at my first Zumba class … my first, second, third, etc. Thankfully It didn’t take forever to lose my own self consciousness. Now, with all the different activities I do during a normal week, Zumba is my favorite activity. No, I’m not their perfection … but I am my own perfection. And I can’t imagine a week without Zumba! Congratulations on your discovery.
I really like that thought Scott. “I’m not their perfection…but I am my own perfection.” That’s beautiful in its simplicity! Consider it STOLEN!
Now I know why I stay on my treadmill alone!!!! I would have been just like you but with an insecurity times a million!!! My heart palpatates just reading the post and the thought of Zumba!! I have a whole Zumba collection of DVD’s some friends bought me. I am too damn worried about what I look like doing it alone in my own living room…LOL!! They are collecting dust!! Once again Diane…you are my hero. Looked into the mouth of the dragon and busted out your fire extinguisher:)