My fearless Weight Watcher Leader, Denise La Magna out of the East Brunswick office, told me last week ….that the source of my over-eating problem was probably about deprivation.
My trigger-finger reaction was……W.H.A.T??? I don’t deprive myself of anything! That’s my problem! I eat everything in sight, even things I don’t even like!!!
So How Can I Be Deprived?
I’ve been mulling over Denise’s wisdom all week. I figured…..what better to do during a week when I can’t eat food…than to spend the time psychoanalysing myself about my thoughts about food!
And that’s the key you know. My Thoughts.
All behavior is ultimately driven by your thoughts. Thoughts drive Emotions which drive Behaviors.
So it was time to think about what I was thinking about. Huh?? Yea. Stay close. This is a rabbit hole for sure.
A day or two of listening, and it was pretty clear how this whole thing works. A peep into my thoughts and you’d hear this……“No Diane, you can’t have cookies. You can’t have ice cream. You can’t have cupcakes. Nope, chinese food is off-limits, forget Dim Sum, those days are over. No this, or that, Say good-bye to those ________ (fill in the blank) you used to love. Eat a greek yogurt. Have grapes.”
Ohhh Nooo. Nothing I love.?? I’m sick of greek yogurt. and those d@mn grapes too! Eventually I’d get angry, sad, depressed….RESENTFUL! Then an entire easter passed by and I couldn’t have Reeses Peanut Butter Eggs. So instead I spent the entire month of April eating Reeses Peanut Butter cups (in their non-Easter form ) like they were going out of style!
All of a sudden, it dawned on me. There IT was. The D.E.P.R.I.V.A.T.I.O.N. It was in my head. It was In my Thoughts. Just like a message on a perpetual loop, my thoughts were feeding me thoughts of deprivation All.. Day.. Long. And just like a balloon that is filling up with Hot Air…….I could only stand So Much Deprivation — before I was over-full and I BURST!
And Once I Burst — all willpower was gone — Let The Binge Begin!!!!
I’d eat the things I told myself I could not have. Hell….then I’d eat things I didn’t even like …just to eat. I’d eat even though my thoughts were telling me — “this isn’t even that good. or I’m kinda full.” Those thoughts didn’t even register, because the broken part of my brain would interject with crazy thoughts like….”yeah but I have more on my plate, a little more in my bowl…so I’ll just eat until its gone.”
How Insane is That!
Denise says — “thinking like this is the essence of a diet mentality. Which is exactly why diets don’t work!” I’ve got to stop this Diet Mentality and Learn how to Live a LIfe where Food is Just a Part of LIfe. So Simple! Yet soooo complicated at the very same time.
So, I’m taking this time, while I’m recovering from my esophagus injury, to try to change my “internal messaging system” LOL. I’m changing the tape. Reprogramming a new message to play in my brain. Cuz remember — you CANNOT quiet the girl down. SHE IS GONNA TALK TO YA ALL DAY! No stopping it. The most you can do is reprogram her message.
So….come over here Broken Inner Voice — I’m going to change your channel.
The new message is simple. Here it is. Repeat often, and speak UP, so I can hear you! “Diane, you can have anything you want.”
Say what? Can you repeat, plz.
“Diane, You…Can ..Have..Anything..You..Want!”
[And here comes the “beauty” part of it.]
“So, Diane…..what do you want? Do you want a cookie?”
Instant reaction….YES, I’ll have a cookie. But Wait……nah, I don’t really want a cookie. I mean, IF I can have ANYTHING I want…..then I’m gonna have…..um……gee…..er…..I dunno….I’m not even sure …what I want???
You don’t KNOW what you want, Diane!! So…..take your time and figure it out. AND, in the meantime. There are no crazy voices, and no emotions named ANGRY, SAD, DEPRESSED or RESENTFUL…..pushing you to eat ANYTHING and EVERYTHING…..while you figure it out. Nope. They are not here. It’s Peaceful here. It’s Unemotional here. We can THINK here. So …
Take your time Diane. Figure out what you want. And when you do….HavE iT. EnJoy It. TraCK It. and…….RePeAt!
Wow. Sanity ahead. It’s exciting. And…..such a relief. Such a d@mn relief!…….
Ciao for now…….Diane