Personal Honesty. That’s what has been lacking in my weight loss journey. That’s what has enabled my binge behavior to persist all these years while I labored to lose weight. MAN, I’ve been cheating myself for years! It’s like bailing water out of a canoe…that has a hole in the bottom. Hard, HARD work…..for no payoff. Well, no long-term, consistent payoff, anyhow.
As I adjusted to leaving my job and the prospect of the work ahead related to finding a new one, I had a decision to make. Was I going to let this stress destroy me? Was I going to allow myself to sink deep into the pit of sugar and feed my fears with destructive behaviors? OR…. was I going to get serious about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. The job search, our house and where we live, and my eating.
HELL — Let’s Do THIS THING!
November wasn’t cold at all — it started a process along the lines of “the Pursuit of Happiness“. So many wonderful friends kept telling me that “this change” was going to be the best thing for me in the end. And I decided, right there, to believe them!
As I started the resume-building, networking, interviewing, house cleaning, home-selling, relocating process…..I also started being completely honest with myself about eating. It started with the simple act of tracking it all. The good, bad and the ugly. I weighed everything too. Choices for better foods was my focus, but let’s be honest – (YES, LET’S) – the cravings didn’t go away overnight. No – I had to bite down on a stick (picture that) for about 2 weeks to rid my system of the sugar that ran through my veins. Once, I did that….it got better. ALOT better.
Look, right now, I know I am someone who has lived with the ghostly whispers of food cravings most of my life. I – Don’t – Know – If – They – Will – Ever – Go – Away. But, I’m going to WORK HARD, and pretend that they will. Because I want them to. The cravings still come at night, like those monsters under a kid’s bed. Some days I win the battle, other days I have given in. As I continue to listen to the Half Size Me podcasts, what the lady (Her name is Heather) tells folks is…that’s it’s illogical to think that these binge behaviors that I’ve done my whole life will just go away. So, instead of setting myself up to fail (as in pass/fail)…..what I should be measuring are different milestones. Things like the frequency between binges. And the duration of a binge. And especially, the turnaround time, ie how quickly I can get back on plan after a binge. Then focus on the foods, settings and my emotions when I binge. What brought it on. Stuff like that.
With these measures as goals, right now, I am down 44 pounds, and I’m so happy with my progress. I still binge. But far far fewer than ever before in my life. My last binge was just last Saturday. It was my sister’s birthday, which meant a coconut cream birthday cake was in the house. I told myself I would have one slice and track it. Which I did. Buuuutttt – that single slice triggered the binge. I had another slice, and then some popcorn , and then 3 packs of those blueberry Belvita cookies. Then I stopped.
So much more work to do. But good news!!! I have a plan! 😀
Ciao for now….Diane