When I read David’s post on 21043 Happenings, it spoke to me. For a long time, probably well over a year, I was “needing” something. Needing a new way to get active. But what do you do when you don’t KNOW what you need? You do N.O.T.H.I.N.G., that’s what you do. But I was done doing nothing. I knew what I should do was “try”. So I did.
I was home alone when I responded. It was a good thing. Maybe if I had someone to talk to out-loud…I might have talked myself out of it. My answer was. “David I filled out the form. Hoping to be chosen.” It was a 21-day summer trial for a kettlebell boot camp. But I think what really caught my eye was “you’ll get…..a community of women just like you.”
Those last words crept into my soul. Into the deep part of my brain. To the thoughts we rarely say out loud. “I need a friend”. Frankly, I had been missing the community of women I left in WW when I moved from NJ to Maryland. Most honestly, all this time later, I think a big part of why I eat my emotions, is from feeling lonely. From loneliness comes a deeper feeling of being unwanted, unworthy. When you are alone…you can tell yourself lies. All the warts seem bigger, your self-doubting thoughts get louder, your microscope pointed at your own flaws gets stronger. And the only voice you have nearby to listen to is the critical one in your head. The only friend….is the sugary snack that licks at your wounds like a viper. The little girl that ate Twinkies as her friend, sat up a bit straighter at the idea that she could workout, lose weight, get stronger ….. and make friends? I was sold.
So for $47 dollars, I made a promise to myself. Diane — you can do anything for 21 days. You can’t quit. Even if it’s hard. Even if it’s not your “thing”….like Zumba and Spinning weren’t your “thing”. Don’t quit. Don’t quit. You Ran A Marathon. Don’t Quit.
When David called me that weekend, he was so…..encouraging. He didn;t promise me anything. He just offered me an approach he felt confident about. I think he was trying to determine if I was more talk than action. At the end of the 20 minutes or so……I KNEW I was a.c.t.i.o.n. I KNEW it. Don’t ask me how. It was something about the calm, assuredness in David’s words, his approach, the experience he had had with women in their mid years. I was going to do this thing, this kettlebell workout thing. I was locked in. Right there. Right then. 21 days.
That weekend I went back to Weight Watchers and re-joined. I got on the scale 16 pounds heavier than when I quit. THINK ABOUT THAT WHEN YOU CONSIDER QUITTING! If you think quitting weight monitoring is EVER going to be a positive outcome, I’ll give you a $100 bucks if you ever show me someone who rejoined Weight Watchers lighter than when they quit. Offer stand. I digress, ..I was back on a path. A path toward something new. Something that scared me. Something I didn’t know I could do. But I knew M.E. I was a.c.t.i.o.n.
Up in my bedroom closet I had two 5 pound dumb-bells and 1 10lb kettlebell, all three bought for me by my husband Peter as a Valentine’s present a few years earlier (at my request! Peter is no Peleton man!). At the time…I “thought” they would help me tone my arms. HAHA! A bit of foreshadowing….David and his wife Abby run a business together and they use 10lb kettlebells as door stoppers. That pretty little yellow doorstopper in my closet was as close to a kettlebell as I had ever been, but it would not play a part in my workouts to come. This 21-day journey I was about to take would be work. Good. Value driven. Hard. Fun. Result-producing. Work.
……And I didn’t have to give up dessert! 🙂
Ciao for now….Diane
Hey sunshine! I am seeing this in such a loving tone, I really didn’t know how much I missed you until today. Typical of myself you speak from the heart and I love that. The WW community here in East Brunswick location Has always been a favorite Of mine. I need to say though after reading your blog I certainly have raised it on my gratitude list. I am so proud of you for your 21 day challenge and re-joinIng. Like you I also have kettle bells dumbbells and a workout bench and two gym memberships. Right now though I am in the process of getting an action plan from my orthopedic on a recent MRI that I had. #NotGood. But I must say that you’re encouraging blog has certainly fueled a little spark I still had inside!
I love you so much Diane and I’m sure if you polled RWW clearly you would hear the same from everyone!
Life is a little crazy for me right now with doctors appointments and I am also unemployed ugghg ???? But I think it would be so much fun if we could FaceTime you in for one of our meeting! What do you think about that?
Ivy, I love and miss you. Take care of yourself and follow your ortho’s advice. Your bells and gym memberships will be there for you when its time. Recovery is so important to long term active fun life! You might be in one of life’s challenging dips, but I have faith and belief that it will come round again. Keep your chin up and I smile every time I see a lady wearing a backpack. I remember your backpack of pennies!! I’d love to Facetime in a meeting. OMG! Totally in for that.