I just stopped.

I just stopped.

Like I ran out of gas!

                                                                                                   out of gas

or got a flat tire or something.  Broken down on the side of the road.    That’s how I feel.  Felt.    No….honesty counts…..Feel.  Present tense.  definitely present tense.

It’s C.R.A.Z.Y. to feel this way Diane!  You ran a damn marathon for god sakes.  Like the ancient Greeks, you survived the male.    I read on line recently that the  athletic long-distance endurance race, the “marathon”, comes from the legend of a Greek runner, who was sent from the town of Marathon to Athens to announce that the Persians had been miraculously defeated in the Battle of Marathon.   It is said that he ran the entire distance without stopping, but moments after proclaiming his message “Nenīkēkamen” (“We have won!”) to the city, he collapsed from exhaustion..    You did it Diane — you proclaimed your message, “I did it”…….and unlike the dead Greek guy …….you have pics with Mickey to prove it!  🙂

Yea, I dunno.  I’ve been trying to pick myself up, gather all my pieces, and put humpy dumpy back together again.  You’ve read all my juicing butterfly bulls#it.  That’s what it turned out to be.  B.S.    I was following the “fake it till you make it” plan.  It was worth a try.  But now I have to figure out how to really restart.  No more faking it.  Nah, no more.

My good friend Scott told me that there is such a thing as post-marathon depression.  Well son-of-a-google…..there really is!    I  just googled it, and bunches and bunches of articles appeared.  Before my sad little eyes.    As I was reading, I realized I kinda set myself up for this flat tire.  In my not-such-a-great-plan plan, I rolled right out of my marathon and into the Rutgers Unite Half Marathon training.  HEYyyyyyy, I was already a well oiled machine….why not!!

Um, Er…Diane…cuz you are flat @ssEd tired…that’s why not!

Yea, I finished the Marathon and ran for about a week or so after that, and that was IT.  I was tired.  Just didn’t want to do it anymore.  Then….it started to happen.  The more runs I didn’t do, and the more circles I made around missed runs on my Rutgers Half Schedule — the more I started to feel like a L-O-S-E-R!



After that — well…..the inevitable downward spiral. Down, down, down….down….

So — it’s been about 2 months since I crossed the finish line.  2 months since one of the happiest times of my life.  So,  what now?    W-e-l-l-….I’ve gained about 15 pounds.  Holy Bat Crap Batman!  Sooooo sad.  Soooo tired of this.  Again.  and again. a..n….d…a…..g….a…i….n….n…n….n..n….n……

And I’m sooo tired.   Where’d all my energy go?  My husband Peter told me — you lost it Diane, because you stopped running.  Por que??  Yeah – how do you like that.  Here’s one of those Ah-Ha moments.  I stopped running to Take A Rest.  And……Resting …….Made Me Tired!  How Bout That!!

Well, I hate it.  I hate being tired.  I hate feeling my fat coming back.  I hate that I let my 197.6 pound body get buried again under more fat.  The same fat that hides right under the surface of my skin like that bad old movie “The Blob”, ready to slurp me up.

Deep Breathing.

Look, I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow — but I am going to do something.  Because this S#it’s Gotta Stop!

Peace Out!

Ciao for now……Diane



2 Responses »

  1. ~You flow in the rhythm of your mind and your body.~ Diane you are an amazing woman, and don’t ever “misplace” that thought again. Why run….. When you CAN walk!!

  2. Oh sis i know how you feel. It’s a lifetime struggle ! But you can pull yourself together, i know you can and so are you.. I gained 3 kg in one week while we were in Austria Pfffff It’s so unfair. And i did’nt loose it yet ! Why or how come ? I don’t know. I’m doing my ww diet i’m doing my excercises at the gym but still no results. Thats when patience comes around (wicht i don’t have). You are tired and thats normal i think after what you’ve done. Running à marathon and loosing all that weight !!! Hey you can be so so proud of yourself !!! Don’t let the demons in your head win. Keep living the healthy way and it will all come back. Instead of running you can do other sports or go to the gym. Stay of the bad food , i know, easier sad than done but at least try. And maybe in à couple of weeks we can say to each other : yeah we lost some weight again ! Come om we do it together although i’m too far away from you ! Ok ??? We can win this sis !!!!! We just need some common sense, the SUN, patience and the will to start again. But we can do it because we are STRONG women !!!!! Love you sis xxxxx

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