After 2 weeks of vacation — I pedaled myself to my Sat 8am Weight Watchers meeting and met the scale — eye-to eye. Going in, my “eye” already knew I’d lose this staring contest. I spent one week of vacation working hard. Making good choices. Fighting to “hold it together.” Week 2? Well, that’s when it all started to fall apart. Somewhere at the start of week 2, I met 4 or 5 tacos….and that was it. The “holding it together “was over right about then. It met its doom. But……isn’t that ALWAYS what happens when you are trying to “hold it together“?? I mean, doesn’t it ALWAYS fall apart at some point? When your strength wears thin, or when you get sick, or when life gets crazy busy?
“YES“, said Denise – my fearless Weight Watcher leader.
Humpff, simple enough. She doesn’t pull any punches, Denise! Soooooo – if “holding it together” ISN’T what I’m supposed to do….Um, then….what the heck AM I supposed to do??
This is the burning question that has been bothering me for some time. I’m struggling trying to figure out WHAT my new life is supposed to be like. WHAT does “living the program”, and “not being on a diet” feel like??? Beats the heck outta me. I’ve always been on a diet OR bingeing like an emotionally starving woman. I don’t know the 3rd option. What is it???
Denise’s answer just fell out of her mouth like wisdom always does from a wise sage. “You need to begin today to become the person you want to be tomorrow.” [Screeching Halt]. No lie — the room was quiet – still – like she just gave us a secret that Weight Watchers keeps locked away in the vault.
She went on to say —- “If you want to be someone in the future that NEVER eats cake — then good luck to you. But if you want to be someone in the future who can eat cake — and be Okay with it — Enjoy it even! — and track it and move on — without guilt — then its time to start learning how to be that person today.”
E-X-H-A-L-E., D-E-E-P-L-Y and F-U-L-L-Y.
So THAT’s what I’m supposed to be doing INSTEAD of telling myself that I can;t have THIS or THAT, and winding myself up so freaking tight — so that I am bound to snap…..it’s only a matter of time.
Instead of trying to “hold it together….for as long as I can….before I break with reality…..and eat my brains out” —- Instead of that, I need to try to identify what foods will satisfy me — what foods I enjoy — learn how to portion them out into ppv-acceptable portions — and learn how to be satisfied with that portion — for NOW! Because, I can do it again tomorrow, and have more IF I WANNA. THAT is the end of the NO-mentality. The end of the DIET-mentality.
Wow – Okay!
Dear, dear Diane. Please give us the best shot and try this with all of our heart. We are sooo tired of fighting with food, and then squeezing into our pants. And even more tired of feeling bad about ourself because we “lost it”, because we couldn’t “hold it together — forever”.
Sweet fragile Diane — what Denise is telling us — is that No One Can. So it’s time to try something else.
Ciao for now….Diane
ps — i gained 3 pounds over my two week vacation. Last year it was 10 — so, I’m making progress, I guess, of sorts….ugh!