Good intentions are not enough

Good intentions are not enough

All week-long I’ve been telling myself….your foot feels fine — time to get back out there — time to start running again to maintain your base.  Although I KNEW this in my head, and I WANTED it in my spirit…..Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday….Th…F…Saturday went by in a flash, and my running shoes stayed in the closet.  It wasn’t until I sat myself down and worked out my Marathon Training Plan WITH a Schedule….that the rubber of my running shoes hit the road.   I had good intentions all week-long.  Good intentions are important.  But like the old proverb says “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”  Good intentions are not enough…..they’ll never be enough…….you need Action to make a difference.   So — Sunday….I can always run on Sunday…..and So It Was!  Like Magic!   Nah, not really.  

I just told myself as I went to bed on Saturday night that I didn’t earn breakfast tomorrow until I got my run in.  Earning Breakfast on Sunday was a little mind trick I played on myself during my Half Marathon training……designed to get me “out there”  so I could get my run over with.  LOL, sounds like enjoyment, right?  Look.  The hardest part of running is the starting.  I have to push myself out the door Every Single Time.   I would get up on Sunday (my long run day) and drink a coffee, eat a banana, and ready myself for my run.  I wasn’t torturing myself….denying myself breakfast.  In fact, I don’t like to run with anything heavy in my stomach, so the early morning run on a coffee and banana was working for me back then.  So when I’m feeling uncomfortable in my Transition …. I’ve decided to revert back to what worked before.  Makes sense.

Sunday morning felt really very familiar.  It felt GREAT.  I stepped out the door for my first real run since the race two weeks ago, with a positive happy mind-set.  My goal was to run 2 miles around my local neighborhood.  The weather was gorgeous, in the upper 50s.  I did my warm up walk for 5 mins, and started to run.  About 5 minutes into my run….my mind told me I was tired….and I fell back into a walk.  Pissed OFF!  What the hell.  I HATE THIS.  I Hate when my mind convinces my body that it Can’t.  But you know what?  This….this little coup-de-tat my mind was staging…..was familiar too.  Whenever I had a break in my running routine….the very next run played out exactly like this.  My mind yelling “STOP, we can’t do this“.  Even though I had done much much more just a week or two ago.  So I decided to relax.  To chill out.  Not to over react.  Because what I also knew, from prior coups, was that the second run after a break, felt better.  Felt fine.  I was able to do it.  My mind just needed some coddling, some TLC.  So…..that’s what I gave it.  So annoying….but necessary.  Oh well.

I did a 2 mile Power-Walk as my first ‘back out there” experience.  Part of me felt stupid, but the other part of me came to the rescue and tamped out those harsh words, and made me push push push for a hard Power-Walk.  It was good.  It was OK.  I got the two miles in.  I broke the hiatus from running.  And I got the first one overwith…so next time I’m ut there — my mind wont have a tantrum again, and we can get back to business.

I’ve decided to break my Marathon Training Schedule into two separate 18 week phases.  The first 18 week phase starts today and runs through September 9th.  The focus of this phase is Nutrition and Weight Loss.  The components will include things like dedication to my Weight Watchers efforts — no food games, healthy nutrition, a 3-day a week running schedule alternating normal runs with intervals, a 2-day a week cross training schedule with the bike, and last but not least, 2 days of rest.  My target is to drop 30 pounds between now and January 13th.  My weight has crept back up to 215 pounds.  [CRAP CRAP CRAP.  Ok, Diane stop beating yourself up.  That’s not going to get us anywhere. ]   Between now and January 13th, I have 36 weeks.  If I can lose 30 pounds, that means I will be running at or under 185 pounds.  That would be great on my knees, ankles, feet, and my soul!  This goal averages out to about .8 pounds a week — which I feel is TOTALLY Do-Able!  So — that’s the goal – adjustable as I go.  But ya gotta have a goal to hold yourself accountable to.  That’s the thing my friend Mike has taught me!  Gotta have a Goal and be Accountable!  Mike is a WW friend who is also a former Marine Corps drill instructor.   One day when I was complaining about my over eating and how much weight I have gained in the past two weeks — Mike dug down into his boots, and came out with this in his best Marine Corps drill instructor voice:  “What are you going to do about it? Do you have a plan? Come on cupcake!!! You can do this!!!!”    Um, Sir, Yes Sir!  And so….I got a Plan.  Just like Marine Mike said.  Um, then I had to get to work getting the cupcakes out of my head.  Old Ghosts never die!

The second 18 week phase starts on September 10th — and takes me straight to Marathon Race day, Jan 13th.  That part of the plan involves a schedule very much like what I ran for Half Marathon Training ….. but double the miles….every….single….run.   <GULP>.  NO, Diane, NO.  Just like last time.  We’ve banished the word Scary (even though it is).  We won’t use the word Nervous (even though we are).   And we’re not allowing Quitting (even though we’re going to have to fight that off ALOT along the way.)    Look…This is Just like Before.  We didn’t believe we could run the Half Marathon UNTIL WE DID!  This Marathon is going to feel the same way.  And what else did we learn back in New Brunswick on April 22nd?  That’s right — we learned that we don’t KNOW what we are capable of until we TRY.  So, we’re going to Try.  We’re going to Just Do IT!  And if this whole Marathon experience doesn’t go as planned?  It’s not a Big Deal. We’ll try again.  BUT.  BUT!  B.U.T — We Are NOT going into this Training Plan with a BackOut Plan.  Because if we do….Backing Out Will BECOME the Plan.  That’s where the mind goes when its scared, and nervous, and uncertain.  So don’t offer it.  NO!  Just NO!

It just dawned on me….that you might have noticed that I go into a peculiar plural We voice whenever I tackle mentally challenging topics.  LOL.  Yea — what IS that??!!  I noticed it too when I go back and re-read some of my posts that were written during times of challenge.  I think it boils down to this.  I’ve been VERY successful at Healing My Defective Inner Voice.   SHE’s still in there, but I’ve converted HER from Foe into Friend.  This is particularly effective, because SHE comes to my rescue now, and runs with me when its hard, picks up my spirit when I’m low, finds my confidence for me when I lose it.    I told you loong loong ago that SHE would not be silenced.  The secret was to convert HER, to get HER to join MY team, and work FOR me, and not AGAINST me.  Now, THAT IS MAGIC!

So now, during the hard times, I don’t feel “out there” all alone.  SHE’s in it with me — all 36 weeks of it.  And I feel stronger for it.

Ciao for now…..Diane

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