I’ve been on a little stay-cation over the Memorial Day weekend.  Since the girls didn’t use any snow days this past winter, the EB school system extended their spring break in April by 2 days, and then extended the Memorial Day weekend by another two days.  With the girls out of school on Friday and Tuesday, I managed to take the days off from work also, so we could spend some family time together.  Its been lovely….and I took time away from posting too, just giving my mind, body and spirit time off from ANY and ALL obligations.  Wow, it felt good.    Sorry for the delay in my updates 🙁    But I’m moving back into the work frame of mind, since I’m due back in the office tomorrow morning, and I owe you a Week 3 update.  So here we go.

Week 3 ended with some good news and some bad news.  Here’s the good.  All my runs were awesome and the Interval training left me feeling really successful.  I’ve been getting stronger, and really giving it my all.  My runs were all faster than my normal 12:00 minute mile, and that’s really positive.  Following Marathon Brian’s advice of “giving myself wins” and pushing myself to be incrementally better each day — is really working for me.  I thought I was doing well.  But…..something was creeping into my mind, and I didn’t realize it until I stepped on the scale on Saturday at Weight Watchers.

As I rode my bike to the meeting at 7am last Saturday, I felt down.  The weather was spectacular.  The bike felt wonderful.  The breeze of the early morning was kissing my face.  It was my guilt that was weighing heavily on my ride.  I had eaten and eaten and over-eaten sooo much this week.  And I didn’t even know why.  That’s the part that sucked most.  I didn’t even LIKE what I had eaten this week.  I didn’t enjoy it.  I didn’t celebrate anything.   I couldn’t even really remember what was so delicious and irresistable that I HAD to eat it.  All these feelings were riding on the bike along with me.  Nobody likes getting on the scale on weeks like this.  I certainly don’t.  But long ago I had convinced myself, that these were the weeks where going to the meeting was most crucial.  I had to go get on that scale and out an end to it.  Getting on the scale this week wasn’t about taking the beating for all the eating I had done.  No.  Believe me, I was already beating myself up P.R.E.T.T.Y. good.  No.  Getting on the scale on Saturday was about putting a PERIOD at the end of the sentence.  Putting an END to the Eating — and setting myself up for a new, fresh, clean, unencumbered week.  It was like confession.  Leave it there at the confessional booth on the scale, and walking away lighter, repentant, and able to do better, to be better.

Ugh, I gained 4.2 pounds this week.  Eating who knows what, and who knows why.

That last sentence doesn’t sit well with me.  I know deep inside that my OverEating Problem isn’t going to stop UNLESS I figure out why I do it.  It doesn’t just “happen”.  I’m not the innocent “victim” that I used to cry over in my past.  I do this.  Me.  But Why?  It was time for some deep reflection about the week, to try to figure out what was going wrong.

I wasn’t under any significant stress…I mean, no more than usual.  I lead a busy life, with a lot of running around, commuting and work pressure.   It’s not good that I’ve become used to it.  But, well….it is what it is…for now.  So there is no sense in getting all bitter and resentful about it.   I just choose to accept it for now, and I appease myself with the thought that once the girls make it through college, I’m going to make a BIG change in the “quality of life” department!!

As I was mentally reviewing my work outs and my runs….a thought raced through my mind, moving fast…. like a chipmunk running across the patio.  It looked familiar, it seemed familiar, but what was that?  I had to chase it, and catch it, so I could fully hear it with my fully conscious mind.  Say it again please?  And then, it happened.  My mind said the word that my Inner Voice had been repeating all week-long.  Buried deep down in the back of the positive words I was trying hard to believe.  Back behind the self-coaching I’m teaching myself to do……the evil whisper of Doubt was beating like a drum in my subconscious.  And to the drum beat, my Inner Voice was chanting …..”If running 2 miles is so hard, you’re never gonna be able to do 26.2, Diane”.

Ah-Ha!  There it was.  There was the Belief I was eating and eating and eating…….to avoid.

Now that I KNOW what IT is, it’s time to stop eating….and to Do Something About IT.

Ciao for now…..Diane