Allowing my mind to roam down the path of exploring balance — I immediately ran into a door of discovery.  There is no way to answer the balance question – without first knowing a couple of things….

• Firstly, I need to know — what is important to me?   I mean heck — these are the tasks, actions, time-consuming things that will occupy my time, energy and focus — all of which eventually need to be balanced.
• Then, I can’t figure out what is important to me, without first figuring out my purpose.  My purpose?  Like, my purpose…..as in, my entire purpose?   In life?  Ahhhh, this is the juice.  Yes, my purpose in life ..is what drives me.  Just as your purpose in life…is what drives you.

N.O.W you see the door of discovery—- what is my life’s purpose??  Wanna open it?  Let’s go in.

Purpose, according to the dictionary means “the reason for which something exists, or the reason for which something is is done.”

So now is when I have to be brutally honest.  For a long time n my life, I thought my purpose in life was to be successful.  Heck I was smart.  I did well in school.  I was as talented as the next person.  I wanted to get a good job, to make money, and to have s.t.u.f.f.   That was my purpose after college for about a decade until I became a mom.

Then my purpose changed some.  I became connected, by my heart, to two other little people in this world.  For a few years, my purpose became making them happy.  Happiness.  By any means possible.  Smiles.  Laughs.  Giggles. Tickles. Anything.  Happiness was cheap.  It came in the form of swinging on the swings, and picnics in the grass, and little kiddie pools in the yard.  Crayons.  Chalk on the driveway.  Fingerprints.  Happiness in water-based, washable Technicolor.  I was all about it.

As my girls grew up, my purpose changed again and again.  My now husband, Peter,  came into our lives, and purpose changed again.  Purpose, for me has been very fluid, and as I now realize — my purpose has typically been relative to what others needed of me, from me.  So….all these 47 years, my life purpose….M.Y. Life’s purpose….hasn’t been about M.E.  Huh.  Wild.

Look, I’m not saying I’ve lived a decadent wild life, freewheeling — directionless, and empty of meaning.  LOL, quite the opposite.  I’ve spent most of my life feeling very serious and up-tight about s.t.u.f.f. that (as I look back on it)….meant very little at all in the grand scheme of my life.

At the end of it all — I doubt very much if I will reflect in my last moments on earth about how clean my house was, or what a nice car I drove, or how many books I’ve read.

What I WILL hold dear, when I close my eyes will be — how well I was loved, and how loving I was in return.  Ahhh, i think I’m beginning to find some of what is important to me.  i think I’m on the cobble-stone pathway to Purpose.  I’m gonna stub my toe and trip a bit — but I’m going to figure M.E. out.

I’ve been meditating again with Deepak Chopra.  I love the whole sensory experience of it.  I love the music, the deep richness of his voice.  I love the Sanskrit mantra’s, and I especially love how it reminds me how I am connected to the magic, the power, and the abundance of the universe.    It helps me remember that all the L.A.C.K i have perceived in myself all my life….was just that…..my perception.  So, of course, I have to go look up the word perception.

Perception:  The state of being, or the process of becoming aware of something in such a way.

These days, I have fallen in love with words like process and becoming……because they indicate a state of flux.  Oooooh, I love flux.  LOL.  Surprised, right?  Yea, I know.  This is the same girl who professed to Love “wanting to know everything that could be known” not too long ago.  Yea well….I’m in a state of becoming….myself.  And I’ve come to enjoy the process of changing.  Because…..I like the direction I am heading.  I’m heading toward my purpose.  I focus F.A.R. more on the outside changes.  I ted to overlook the inside changes.  The changes that have taken place in my heart, in my dreams, in my wishing places.    Let’s face it.  When you weigh 277.2 pounds on the couch….you don’t dream of the same things as you do after you’ve run a marathon.  Ya just don’t.

So I like the state of becoming.  I think I need to spend more time on the internal changes.  Because being lifted of the burden of so much weight — has released my spirit from the hesitation of exploring who I was meant to be, and what my purpose Is.    And I think — somewhere there, in the middle of my purpose….may live th gumption to stop eating — and get living it.

Ciao for now……Diane