The family drove out to the Mall at Millenia today, to splurge a little on new bathing suits for our upcoming trip.   The day was a mixed bag… but this cloud had a silver lining.

I was happy to see Peter splurge on himself and pick up two swim suits at Billabong.  And the girls got new rash guards.    Afterwards the girls and I went to Everything but Water to look for suits for them.  It’s F.U.N. to see the girls trying on all these beautiful bikinis.   They are doing something I could never do.  Living a life (in clothes and bikinis) that I have never done…because I chose to overeat my whole life.  Look – I have no one to blame but myself — but I can still get a little sad about what I’ve missed in my life, right?

So the saleslady asks me if I want to try anything on.  We chat a bit about my size, and she brings me a swimsuit that is (probably) her largest size.  Once the girls were finishing up, I jumped into a changing room and tried it on.

No. Go.

Quickly dressed and snuck that suit back onto the rack where it started.  The girls said ...”Mom, we didn’t get to see you! “    [Swallow your tears Diane.]  I said…something…to brush them off without calling attention to it.  Ugh, how many moments like that have I had in my life?  Too Many.  They hurt.

So I paid up.  ALOT for these gorgeous special swimsuits and out we went. To Lunch.  UGH AGAIN.

My sister and mother already excited the girls with the idea of going to the Cheesecake Factory – so off we went.  30 minutes later, we are sitting at a table.

Preparation.  That was going to save me.

Step 1:   On the walk over to the restaurant — search for plan-friendly options in my WW app.   Chicken and Mushroom Lettuce Wraps – 9sps.  YES!

Step 2:  While we waited to be seated — ask my family to forgo the bread and butter on the table, and substitute with steamed edamame.  Everyone was happy to.  2sps for my share.  YES!

Step 3:  Order a HUGE glass of unsweetened iced tea.  Fill up Diane!  Ignore the beer Peter had, the Oreo milkshake my sister had, the Mango smoothie my mother had, the lemonade that Cait had.  Erin – my iced tea compadre.  Thank you bb — you made me stronger without knowing it.  Just by being you.

Step 4:  Order what you planned Diane.  Follow-through.  Order first!  No going back!   Wow — this is hard.  Staring at the menu, first to find my item on the Skinnylicious menu – then to look at all that I wasn’t going to have.  Close the menu Diane.  Don’t look.  Don’t think.  H.E.L.L – we haven’t even gotten to the cheesecake phase YET.

Step 5:  It got easier here.  My meal came, along with all the other calorie laden choices my family selected……and it was beautiful AND delicious.  I really loved my choice.

Step 6:  Don’t order cheesecake.

So, as my family ordered…I went to the ladies room.  When I returned to the table, there was another HUGE glass of iced tea to save me.  Here is where it got easier.  Firstly because the few minutes away from the table allowed me to recognize that I was full.   Next, when my family asked me why I wasn’t getting cheesecake….I said because “one day I want to be able to buy a swimsuit in that store and wear it”.  That was enough.  They love me.  They understood.

Just saying that out loud enabled me to enjoy the conversation while they ate cheesecake, without missing anything.  The silver lining had appeared miraculously at our table, at the Cheesecake Factory at the Millenia Mall.  I felt h.a.p.p.y.  without cheesecake.

I’m home now….and feeling very good.   I believe…one day, there will be Everything but Water.…for me.  #HaveFaithButDoTheWork  #ChooseHappiness365 (191/365)